"a little snippets of me in every entry"
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A new start for a new week.
posted on Sunday, April 18, 2010 @ 11:21 PM | permalink
 "Always know that there's a new day to start over and do better, Janna". Sighs, yet another helpless week. I got a surprise-meet-up last tuesday. The 'higher authority' people at work decided to pop by for a look..... A look at ALL my wrong moves. It was tiring to listen to them and i was at the point of panic-king and not knowing what to say that make sense when questions were being asked. It makes me feel like i am not doing a good job after all though what they don't know is, i tried my best. Sometimes when only YOU do the things correctly but your 'little helpers' are not, its pointless as well. Cause overall, in their eyes, they can see that we are not working together. Its tiring to constantly repeat myself. I mean where's the initiative? Don't humans have initiative anymore? Tsk! Thursday i lost a cover for one of the equipments. Well it might necessarily not be me but i should have checked the whole area by myself. This is not to be blamed by them, it was after all my fault. I am willing to pay for the price though after much contemplating, my own boss decided to pay for it. Yes it was nice of them but i still feel guilty though. I know humans make mistakes but i just felt so not good about myself right now. And the last thing i want them to think is that my cousin and i are on a conspiracy. Yes we may be cousins but work to me is work. Its a total different thing. From the start, i wanna get a place in this job because of my own efforts, my own hard work. And i wouldn't want to make people feel like we are covering each others backs. That's not true in my case. I have nothing to hide, except this secret that we are actually cousins. I hope people get it and i am not those typical people. This was the worst week ever. I am so scared that i might screw things up again. I may look calm and laughing all the time, but right now i am worried. I think about it till i cant sleep at night. Its sometimes hard for me to express. At times like this, i wish i have someone. Someone who i am comfortable enough to say i am worried about things. Someone to tell me there is no need to worry and everything will work out eventually. Someone who can literally lend me the right side of the shoulder so i could lay my head for one minute and feeling better afterwords. But its alright, i just haven't met you yet.... Seriously i need to focus tomorrow. Its gonna be a better week tomorrow. And HAPPY 24TH BARFFDAY to this cousin of mine, Faezah. Thanks for watching over my back. You are one of a kind (: Janna.
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