"a little snippets of me in every entry"
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Little Space of Mine
posted on Tuesday, September 06, 2011 @ 12:55 AM | permalink
Halo little space of mine, I haven't been blogging lately. Lazy yes i admit i am at times. Other times when i feel like i have got so much to say but yet when i began typing, the exact things wouldnt come out. Perhaps the best way to pen down ideas is when it all comes down and is running in my head. So many things happened in these few months. Things between me and F are good and i definately feel better after talking it out. Though at the same time i found out something that upsets me. Something that i thought would never happened. Something that hurts my aching heart when i found put the truth. Something that made me feel like a loser because i was hoodwinked right under my nose. But we learn from it. It wasnt only one fault, it was also mine for not being there, for not showing the care one deserves, for always giving it up and say there are other fishes in the sea. The question is... Do i want that to happen? No i don't. Can i take it? No i cant. I just hate that heartbreaking feeling. That feeling of dissapoinment. I felt it once, walked away without turning my head around, walked away without giving it another chance, i walked away from explainations. I made myself as cold as ice. I made myself as hard as a stone. I made myself forget the feeling of being loved by someone..... Just so to be a stronger person. Just so that i could get over whatever that's happening. Just so that i could forget that whole betrayal thing. But will this second chance work? I know its probably hard to forget that whole episode and start afresh. But i always tel myself if i can do it for a day, i can do it for 2 days and then 3 and then a week to a month to a few months and so on. That is how i get over things. That is how i tel myself to be stronger each day. That is how i maintain my sanity. That is how i cope with all that. I'm afraid of another broken heart in a relationship. But that is part and parcel of life. I can be strong and just leave all these behind and be as hard as a stone but i dont want that. This time around, a second chance is worth a try. There is hope. There is still love. There is still affection. There is still faith. I have faith in you. Dont let that faith go away... Keep me sane, JANNA
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