"a little snippets of me in every entry"
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You just gotta ignite the light & make it shinee
posted on Thursday, August 09, 2012 @ 2:03 AM | permalink
Hello World, So it's August or shall I say we're in the mid-August time now, four more months till the new year. Pretty fast how time flies.. Woah! It's the Puasa month now. Yes it's been a challenge at work coping with the work ethics of the people around you that are just testing your patience. And you have to control your hunger and especially your thirst! I'm not the great at this though but I give it my best shot. It's a big challenge. Hanged out ST's friends last night - major catch up session and their yearly firework gathering. I do follow ST to some of the outings though other times I'd rather ST hang out with her friends on her own cause I mean... Who doesn't need space? I bet her friends misses her just as well. And also sometimes I just don't know how to talk to them. But... Last night was surreal. Reminds me when am I gonna ignite my own light and shine like a firework? Ahh yes, Katy Perry's song made a huge ring-ring in my head. I feel stuck and I dread facing the big shots at work. Not that I'm worried if I never do a good job. That feeling somehow is gone. I dread these people leaving the task that no one wants to do to me. Cause no one else freaking wants to take the blame. No one else wants to be labeled as the bad-lousy person. I am tired of pleasing these people who I know in my heart, doesn't really gives a shit about me... Unless i make a mistake. Hanging out with ST's friends made me realize that they are chasing something, a goal, a direction, they have a target in their life that they can be certain on whereas I... I'm not even close to my goal. I feel like I have no goal at all here. I am staying cause I feel bad if the others cannot manage. What is the purpose in my life? Where am I heading? Am I happy staying stuck? How am I gonna quit? Will people say its my fault that I quit? Am I making a mistake by staying here with this very much under-paying job? Do I deserve better? So many thoughts on my head. Sometimes I can't sleep just thinking about it. I want to believe that I can do this. I want to say that I will really quit this time. I want to say that everything is going to be alright...... But will everything be according to plan? I want to say that September is my last month....... Where is that confidence that I used to have before I get too close too comfort but get treated like a piece of shit here?.. Is there a sign to show me what I'm looking for? - ME "Wait, I'm wrong Should have done better than this Please, I'll be strong I'm finding it hard to resist So show me what I'm looking for Save me, I'm lost I've been waiting for you I'll pay any cost Save me from being confused Show me what I'm looking for Show me what I'm looking for", Carolina Liar 
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